Divorce

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." - Jesus (Matthew 5: 31,32)

When I began the effort to blog through the Sermon on the Mount, I dreaded the day that these two verses would arrive... and here they are. The church has struggled for decades, maybe centuries with divorce and what to do with those that have gone through it. Bible scholars have debated the meaning of words and phrases and they still don't agree, so don't look to me for a definitive thought. Rather, pick up your Bibles and dig into it; allow His word to have the final say on the subject. First, divorce is a reality. The church is not likely to ever teach enough, love enough or condemn enough for it to disappear. The pews of our churches are filled with those that have experienced the pain of divorce and continue to live with the consequences of a broken family. Jesus' teaching on the subject must be the final answer and the foundation that Christian marriages are built upon.

So, what does our Savior have to say about this controversial subject? Without a doubt, He means something. Certainly, these two verses are not intended to be a complete discussion on the matter. Rather, just like in the previous verses we have looked at, Jesus is correcting a teaching and bringing it back into alignment with what God's commands had to say on the subject. So, with the understanding that this is not intended to be the end-all on the matter; but rather a correction of bad teaching, let's dig into it.

When Jesus lived, divorce was a man's privilege. A woman was his wife as long as he wanted her; she had no rights in the matter. It had become the norm for a man to divorce his wife over anything. Bad dinner... divorce. Laundry not done... divorce. Bad hair day... divorce. You get the idea, God had given the Jews an exception to His plan for marriage and they took the ball and ran with it. (see Deuteronomy 24:1-4) God's directive on divorce dealt with a cheating wife and the teachers of the Law had moved the standard to be for almost anything. Additionally, the main teaching in Deuteronomy 24 deals with the giving of a certificate of divorce and the giving up of the right to remarry. God intended for marriage to be for life, but when the marriage was destroyed by infidelity, He gave them a way out.

Jesus' words in these verses were intended to bring His disciples back to the "garden of Eden" concept of marriage. He calls on His followers to return marriage to it's intended state. One man, one woman for life. He limits the right to divorce to those who have an unfaithful spouse. In His kingdom, marriage is to look very different than those outside of His rule. His people, Christians would work through problems and seek to keep the marriage union. He tells us that if we divorce for any reason other than sexual immorality and that person remarries, we cause them to commit adultery and the person that marries them. He is holding the "injured party", the one seeking a divorce to a very high standard. He says to us, you send them away for any reason other than unfaithfulness, you are responsible for their sin.

That shines a whole different light on the subject. In His day, a woman had no other option than to marry to survive, so the power rested with the man and Jesus says to the man, "Treat her with respect! She is not disposable when you are tired of her." He places marriage back where God had intended it to be. In these two verses, Jesus is certainly teaching against divorce; but this is not the entirety on the subject. He is not trying to answer every question related to the subject in these few words, but He is aiming to restore the sanctity and permanence of institution.

God hates divorce and with good reason. The destruction of a family unit brings nothing but pain and sorrow to everyone involved. His kingdom is injured every time a Christian couple divorces. He calls on His disciples to live differently, by a different standard... His Standard. He was counter-culture then and He is counter-culture now, but that doesn't change His message. Take responsibility for your heart, whether it is anger or lust or the desire to change spouses; Jesus says we are to live differently and keep our hearts pure. We are called on to live in a way that puts the interests of others on the same level as our own and that is true in marriage as well.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 2:3-5)

If we lived looking out for the interests of our mate, divorce would end. What does he/she need from me? What can I do to help her/him live a life that pleases God? Jesus says the same thing to husbands and wives... think about the other person, live in such a way that you are a blessing to them. Challenging? Sure. Doable? You bet. Married person, you want to honor God... stay married, love your mate, place their needs above your own. That brings Him glory.

Wise or foolish?